How I Learned to Accept Life’s Imperfections

When I was in my early 20s, I had what others would define as a curvy figure. A body type that is highly coveted in today’s culture. However, I did not want to be curvy. I wanted to be skinny, model thin like Kate Moss. It didn’t matter if other people thought that was too skinny. That’s what I viewed as the “perfect” figure. I did everything to attain that ideal body type. I changed my eating habits, I worked out doing endless cardio, which was quite challenging since I did not enjoy cardio, and basically obsessed with losing weight and getting fit. It took years, a lot of hard work and determination, and many failed attempts, but I finally achieved my goal.

The upside to that situation was that it was in my control. Simply by acquiring self-discipline to eliminate sugar, eat a balanced diet, and motivate myself to exercise regularly, I was able to facilitate change. It was not easy, but it was attainable. However, that is not always the case. The challenge is found when you don’t have control over life’s imperfections. Like when you set certain plans in motion and they just don’t work out as you thought. Or when those close to you act out in ways that are displeasing. How do you handle those inevitable disappointments? For me, this has been most difficult.

I have seriously lost my emotional and mental balance when life plans have gone completely off the rails. When certain people you once cared for showed incredible lack of character. This has caused me to stop having expectations from almost everyone, and stop caring about them as well. Perhaps I cared too much and therefore expected too much. If only they had been created in the image that I had for them and not the reality of what they turned out to be, they could have been “better.”

I had to take a deep look at why I was having the same repetitive circumstances or thought patterns. When a pattern develops whether it being with certain outcomes or relationships, there is something that needs to change within ourselves. I realized that I had it all wrong. I wasn’t at all considering Murphy’s Law. Perhaps instead of expecting everything to go according to plan and getting upset when it didn’t, I should have done the opposite and expected plans to go awry and not work out as planned. In that same regard, remembering that people are unpredictable and no matter how much you think you know someone, you don’t always know their inner dialogue, insecurities, and expectations. They might take you by surprise and choose a path that seems shocking and nonsensical, nonetheless, one must understand that it was their path to take.

The reality is that setbacks and disappointments are part of life. That job you thought was perfect that you didn’t get. The business you had such high hopes for that didn’t work out. The rejections that at times can hit you right at your core. For highly sensitive people this can often be the case. I came to ask myself, “Does it have to feel so harsh?” The answer was an astounding, “No.” If perception is key, then the power lied within me. Control gives us a sense of security, but an illusory one. We can chase it, try to force it, but what is meant for you will be, and what isn’t will flee. It might seem random, but it isn’t. There is a cosmic order in the universe that teaches us these lessons to develop our character. They are imperative for us to get to know ourselves.

I learned it was my thinking that was setting me up for disenchantment. Having expectations, being austere, and not knowing how to flow with the stream. How can we not have expectations in life? Wanting the best results for our efforts and being hopeful is human nature. When we are deeply invested in people and circumstances, we want to control the outcome, but I am learning to have more faith in the universe and understand that I am never in control of someone else’s actions, nor the unforeseen setbacks and events that might occur at any time. Keeping in mind that there is a stronger, more powerful force in the universe that is highly intelligent, and the key is to trust that force and ride its waves. In hindsight, I also learned that it definitely helps to laugh at the surprises, the curve balls, and the “catastrophes.”